


No title,just feelings

by Sooberry_0309



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Light Angst, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Other, Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:33:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sooberry_0309/pseuds/Sooberry_0309
Summary: Everything is just a mess,My mind,heart,emotions,But I will try to survive.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Kudos: 1





	No title,just feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short and quick work because I'm still in a recovery stage of my writing journey bear with this.

I hate this.

The feeling of a sudden sadness and pain is literally crawling into my systems without the exact reasons. The feeling of dropping every crystalline salty water from my swollen eyes that made me feel more sad. The feeling of having the reviews of my insecurities and the loneliness covers my entire happiness because I can't take off the details of my imperfections. I can't,I can't live this life anymore.

Maybe you all think that I'm just being over reacting and developing deeper meanings of every word or scenarios that is happening around me but no,you don't know how I feel. The paranoid side of me is triggered every 11 in the deep night and making me shed tears without the proper/clear reason. This abnormality of my mind is not crazy,it's just a paranoid or overthinking side which causes me to broke down every night,no skips. 

I'm thinking if this is the result of watching too much soft and heartbreaking movies,well that's my favorite but instead of feeling so sad after crying,I felt happiness after so it's not the reason of this. Simping over a cute dog,is that a part or related on having my abnormal mind state? Well I'm into dogs for almost a month and I feel so happy with my dog. We always walk outside for some closure and bonding but my dog hates me. He always scratch me or bite me when he wants to be unleashed with his collar and do whatever he wants. I'm crying everytime my dog scratch or bite me so I think that's a part.

I do really hate having this night to night break down. My eyes are naturally medium big but it's getting smaller and smaller because of this heavy eyelids that is trying to cover my whole eyesight. Even I'm at home,I crazily wear my sunglasses just to cover my eyes from my mom or else she will be worried and I don't want that happen. I'm sorry mom, your son is now crazy.

So tonight,exactly 11pm,I'm tearing up with again,no valid and clear reason. I'm tired of this. My eyes are burning already and my chest is drumming up and down with the difficulty of breathing. Well,this might be the result of being so exposed to people who always fights with a small problem. Screams and swearing are everywhere and it keeps ringing in my mind. Am I living into a real torturing hell? I feel so numb and body is uncontrollable because of shaking. Can't I just live the life I want and wait until my time comes? Why do I need to experience this?

Last 3 days,I texted my boyfriend Taehyun about what's happening to me. I told him that I'm really having a hard time on controlling my emotions from everything. Well he replied,but in an awkward wind. He just said that everything will be fine and I can take care of myself already like how the highest fuck?! Am I just sharing my problems to a rubber wall who is bouncing my words back to me as a hurtful slap on my face?! I do thought that Taehyun will comfort me or help me on what will I do or he will drive here on me and tell me happy things but no! He didn't do that. My chest's burden is piled up plus the awkward approach of Taehyun to me. Wow,can I just chop myself alive for them?

To be honest,I'm slowly giving up from everything. I almost let go from that one thing I really love but my heart said no. I'm only living because of my mom,dad and siblings. I don't want to give up and watch them having a race of crying above me when I do that thing. I love them so much.

So this day,I'm inside of my four sided room with dim light, snoaring sounds from my new dog and my sibling and just waiting on that proper time on being free from this unknown breakdown. Hoping for happiness within me and to the ones that I love.

~end~


End file.
